The Silence and the storm

Shh. come in close and listen. Do you hear it, the small insignificant whisper, it is not saying anything, just there. it is has become so powerful yet remains so faint. Maybe it will just go away and we can forget about it. It's not going away though, it has started to grow louder. I hear it closing in around me but you don't care. I am now surrounded by this noise and I cannot escape. With every failed attempt to escape this noise becomes louder. Why can't you hear it? It has become so loud that all else has grown faint and disappeared. I have become enslaved to this noise. I have tried so hard, but nothing has made it quieter. This noise, this burden has caused endless pain and discomfort. Not only do you not hear it, you are not even effected by it. Will somebody please take this from me and make it go away. Maybe you can't hear it. It is so loud though, how can you not hear it. That scream, it's inside me shredding me into millions of pieces, that's why you can't hear it. Can you not even try to hear and help ease my pain. Maybe you just don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it either but I do. Death is approaching me now because I have nothing about it. I figured it would just go away. Shh. listen, it finally went away, just as is came. The silence that seemed so peaceful has become worse than the scream ever was. Maybe it will return again as quickly as it came the first time. I will just wait for the scream to return, for you to return. It's like the silence before the storm, that's it though, there is no storm just the silence. It's over now and you're never coming back.

My ministry

At this point in my life my plan is to be a youth pastor at my home church, Graceland Baptist Church. I see the students there and at my school who are searching for something. They don't know where to go though. No matter where they go it only seems to be about the rules and regulations. I know in my life that is a huge difficulty. I have heard it in my church experience for as long as i have been there; Christianity is not about Rules, it's about God's love. That is the extent of it. They never show why it is that way. I have recently come to realize why it is not about the rules. Knowing why has been a major factor in why i desire to become a youth pastor. Many students do not know this because they do not have solid theology, or "The big rocks."

Big Rocks. These are the keys to Christianity. Not the issues like are we predestined or do we chose. But topics of God's love, and what he did for us. I believe that these topics are taken for granted to often. Christians do place the importance that needs to be there on these issues. we are too focused on our irrelevant theology (i.e. predestination, assurance, apostasy.) While those may be relevant they are not as important to our spiritual life as understanding God's love and why he sent his son.

I have recently decided how i am going to conduct my youth group. I realize that it will most likely change but i have it figured for my life now. When i have seen new pastors come in they always want to know where the students are so they may proceed from that point. I do care where the students are but i have decided to start with the big rocks, that i mentioned earlier, anyway. This is because no matter where they are it is my responsibility to make sure their foundation is solid. The easiest way for me to do this is to start with those big rocks.

I think that for my purpose this will be the most effective in reaching the heart of students

Leaving: Once Again

I left for college for the first time in August. This meant leaving my life behind. Everything i knew and everyone i cared about, and even those i didn't. But, i have made new friends and kept up with several of the old. Then i came home for Christmas break.

Coming home was probably the hardest thing for. I was very excited to see several people i had left. Two of which were Autumn Sellers and Shelby Lawson. These two people are basically my sisters, only not really. It was wonderful to see them again. I love them with my whole heart. Leaving is ridiculously hard for me, making coming home even harder. I knew when i came home i would have to say goodbye again. That is really hard to do to people that you love. I did not let that ruin my time here but make it better, once again making it harder to leave. To make it worse, I know that i will have to keep doing this at least 7 times but probably more. I do keep up with them when i am away, but it just isn't the same as being there for them. I have to be over 700 miles away for them. I still feel the same, as do they, but something is lost in distance. This brings me to a most curious thing. Distance makes the heart grow fonder...but out of sight, out of mind. Both are so true, and so painful, but i deal and so do they.

I love you Autumn and Shelby

Just Take It Back

"Just take it back, they're only words." These are the first words of Disguising Mistakes with Goodbyes, by my favorite band, Emery. Have you ever tried this. The Bible calls the tongue many things. At one point it says that it is sharper than a double edged sword. Have you ever stabbed someone with a sword and then tried to take it back? No matter how hard you try it just cannot be done. Sure it can be gotten over, but the damage is still there and is still very real. This is something that we must watch out for. This does not even just mean the bad things we say, but the good as well. I think the most dangerous to be I love you, even more so than i hate you. I believe this because it is one of the best things that can be said to a person. Many people, however, do not know the true meaning and use it very flippantly, resulting in injury. Once said it cannot, i repeat, cannot be taken back. It can be forgiven or overlooked or forgotten, but it cannot be taken back. words can ruin anything: a friendship, a romantic relationship, a marriage, a life, your life. so for the sake of everyone(inculding yourself), please mean every word that comes out of your mouth, and make those words have a purpose. You don't have to be good at using them as long as would you say is meant.